Depth of Field

The more you learn, the less you know. Reading about apertures, focal lengths, shutter speed, different lenses, exposure has certainly got my head in a spin. I have put off reading the technical part for way too long, mainly because it can be as dry as gin and I find it hard to read stuff like that too. It just would not register into my head. I finally finally got into serious reading, with my camera in my hand, I fiddled with it and learn quite a few handy tips. I think I would forget everything in weeks.

Seriously, I think I need to be taking a photography class soon.

Nostalgia

It is hard to explain how these little things manage to put a smile on my face. It has been ages since I last saw them, yet it seems only like yesterday. As confusing as the last statement might be for some people, I felt exactly like that.

They might be as old as me, since the day that I could remember, they have always been around. Some things stay with you forever. Memories are funny things. I wonder if we can choose to remember the good things and choose to forget others that we rather not be reminded of. But the harder we try at forgetting, the harder it is to do just that, since we are always reminding ourselves to forget what we want to forget precisely. Get what I am trying to say?

I remember there were coins, lighters and other odds and ends in the duck. We used the grandmother porcelain figure to hold chopsticks. These pieces are vintage okay! All the way from Whampoa Drive. I saved them from being dumped when I visited my aunt's place this evening. When I learnt that she threw away some other treasures, I nearly passed out. The hoarder in me jumped out and slapped her hard on her shoulders. What on earth motivated her to throw that fisherman into the dumpster? Did she not have any sentimental attachment to those things at all? Tsk tsk! She was lucky that she got away with just a little ticking off some my mum and me.

There are other things that I love to have, like these two little pumpkins sitting in my granny's room now. But I thought it is nice to have them there, my granny might like to have pretty things in her room too.

Hedonism

This IS hedonism.

Crabtree & Evelyn has one of the nicest smelling lining paper that I can get my hands on. Sure, it does cost quite a bit more, but I have a chest of nice smelling clothes and it makes my drawers and shelves look so so pretty! See, it takes just that to make me a happy person.

Happy Birthday!

Happy 26th Birthday!


Mid twenties going on late twenties already. Where did all that bloody time go?

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Out of Sync

I am fallen out from my normal routine, I really need to get my life back on track. So many things have happened and all together at the same time. It started after my trip. My husband's been ill for about a week some 2 weeks back and now my grandma's in hospital. Mum's getting a little insane and tired with some domestic help issues of her own, my siblings, my THREE YOUNGER siblings are certainly not helping her lighten her work load. It is the school holidays now, no wonder my mum's having such a hard time! Sigh, teenagers are so so self absorbed sometimes. And I have a maid in my care for like a week. Aunt's shifting at I really do wish I can help lighten her burden a little. My bro's did a great job helping her though, searching for furniture and all. He can be so sweet at times.

Maybe I am hormonal, but I am feeling a tinge of sadness whenever I visit my grandma in hospital. It gets to me. She is not in any sort of life threatening condition, but it breaks my heart still. I wonder what more I can do than to visit her more regularly. I wish I can see her being happy again. The sense of heavy- heartedness is not just from seeing my grandma in hospital, like I said, maybe I am hormonal.

I started recalling back to the times when I was living with her. She can have quite a temper sometimes, especially when she is stressed and tired. She used to work and still took care of the house. It was only when I knew better that I know how life was like for her. I remember her always giving the drumsticks to my brother because he loves them! And how she would wake me up in time for Sesame Street on Saturdays. I remember her telling us stories at night and come up with some really sarcastic rebukes, some which I still use occasionally and when I do, it makes me think of her.

She would turned the volume of the Rediffusion up after the last transmission at night and when it started transmission again, I would jump up with a startle from my sleep and ran to turn the volume down. It would be 6am and it was my time to wake up and prepare to go to school. She would tie my hair before I go to school and helped my brother with his uniform.

I remembered she used to set her hair in those hair curlers. She had a box of those things, and we used to play with them! hahahahaha! She used to use watermelon skin to rub all over her face after eating the fruit. I think it is more refreshing than nourishing for the skin now when I think of it. It was fun to do it though, I should do it again the next time I have watermelon at home.

My grandma is quite "ang mo" having worked in some ang mo households before. She can conversed and understand english quite well, I used be to so proud at the fact that my granny knows english! Come christmas where we have dinners on the eve, she would make the stuffing for the turkey. I miss her chocolate cakes. I can even almost, almost smell and taste them. They were moist and rich and very very chocolatey, none of those cream stuff! It was drenched with chocolate pure chocolate! And taste the most exceptional when eaten hot from the oven. She used to make pumpkin pies too, but I was too "young" to appreciate things like pumpkins then. It was one of those things that I grouped as "adult food" together with animal innards (still to me are adult food) and marmalade.

She used to eat marmalade at home, and I found it too bitter, though I always has the impression that marmalade was very sophisticated! I still do now, and almost certainly always have some of it in my fridge.
I will visit her tomorrow again, and hopefully, I will find my groove back

I-Love-Yous

I love you.

We don't say it enough do we? I don't mean just to your partners, but to family members and to friends whom we loved as well. In an asian society such as the one that I lived in, it is rare to hear it in households. We are almost embarrassed to show affection towards one another. It has never been in the culture. I love my family, and I hope that they feel it. I do stuff to show them that I care and that I love them. Maybe I don't show it enough.

It would be nice to hear it from friends and family don't you think? Especially when you are down and feeling so blue and lonely. Those are the times when you just need to know that someone out there loves you. Knowing purely just that will ease my pain immediately. That is why I think of my husband and my family when I don't feel so good. Thinking and talking about the people I love always gets me teary. Thinking about how much these people love me gets me teary too!

I feel truly blessed, to have so many people who love me even without them telling me that they do. Just the other day, I was thinking about this dear dear friend of mine, and I was thinking how much he means to me. So, there I was in my living room thinking that I should let him know how grateful I am to have him in my life, then the next day, he text-ed me saying how thankful he was to have me as a friend. AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He beat me to it! It was such a sweet message and I do feel so touched.

Just to let these people know, I love you too! With all my heart :) You know who you guys are, I don't have to be so blatant right. After all we are asians.

Suits me to a Tea

I have too much tea at home. I just bought some more this evening from Isetan. I have English teas - English Toffee, Earl Grey and Russian Caravan. Chinese teas, - I am not sure about the names, I think I have some Pu Er and some other stuff. Japanese teas - I have the usual green tea in sachets as well as green tea mixed with brown rice. Matcha, recently acquired on my trip to Japan, and also Mugicha, which I bought today. I think I will start to permanently have cold Mugicha in my fridge from now on. Perfect for the weather here. Oh and I have a packet of tea that is supposed to detox your body.

All I need now is the prefect tea set. I am still looking for one. The ones that I adore are so expensive, maybe for now, instead of a set from Whittard, I will have to make do with Hario. Not that Hario is not nice, just not "tea party" material. More like a "watch tele and drink tea" and "having tea alone" kind of set. I doubt anyone understand what I am trying to say. I guess I will get a "watch tele" set first before getting the "tea party worthy" set.

Which reminds me, we should have a tea party, the kind in Alice in Wonderland. Complete with outrageous hats for everyone! I was talking about this with Elaine and we really should do this when she comes back from NYC! Too bad that Daing will not be here when she's back. I am really really happy for him though, new job, in another country! How exciting! Maybe we should move the tea party to HCMC instead. That is such a brilliant idea! And that will give us ample time to plan!

Japan Hangover

It is been a while since I last wrote here. I just came out from a hangover from my trip to Japan. It had been heady. There is so much that I want to write about the trip, it is hard to know where to begin.

The food is divine, the people are wonderful, the TV shows are ridiculous, the streets are clean, the shopping is great (no, didn't buy plenty, remember I am not a shoppy shoppy person, especially with my husband, he is a real dampener when it comes to shopping.), the weather is fantastic, albeit that it rained for a couple of days in Tokyo - There was a typhoon! It was called typhoon number 20. I guess there are so many of them in Japan that they have resigned to calling them numbers instead of having the exhausting task of naming all of them. Maybe they just name the big bad ones. Simply put, we had a whole lot of fun.

I will miss Japan, and I would definitely be back again. Somehow, it doesn't seemed like it will take me a long while to head up again. It isn't as expensive as we thought it would be. A great meal for 2 cost about 60 Singapore dollars. That is reasonable don't you think? We did indulge a little on some occasions and had really good beef and tempura. We had really really cheap Udon once in Osaka - like 200 yen - for breakfast. That is how cheap it can get, of course, don't expect to get full on just that. We went across to a cafe to have toast after. Hahahaha.

We went to an onsen too! Twas a cold rainy evening when we went, just perfect for a hot dip. I was a little apprehensive when I went into the changing room. I didn't think that I could be walking around stark naked in front of so many people, but when I see how everyone was going around with much nonchalance, I too begin to lose my inhibitions. And I thoroughly enjoyed the affair. I am now officially a fan of onsens.
I heart Japan.

Hols and Festivities

I finally finally got my Japan stuff all straightened out. After some procrastination, I have came up with a rough plan for the upcoming trip. I read up about the place, bought the necessary stuff and now I am ready to go.

Somehow this trip feels different. I am surprised how much interest I had when I started reading up about the country. I was hugely curious about the history and so I bought a book about Japan's history and I am halfway through the book. I never had any interests in history when I was in school. I was so bad they had to put me in a Geography class. Somehow as I grew older, I had a interest that I never had in History. History finally I find, can be interesting.

Anyhow......

After hearing many many horror stories about how I could get lost in that huge metropolis that is Tokyo and how difficult it is to navigate your way around, not just because of the lack (or very bad) of city planning, I took up a Japanese as well. I always wanted to take up a third language. I can't decide between French, Spanish and Japanese. This became sort of the decisive factor I suppose. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I will continue when I am back from Japan. Maybe if I were to go to South America one day, I may pick up Spanish again. It seems easier than the other two. I tried learning a little on my own, I seem to pick up quite a bit. But French sounds better leh. I love how it sounds. But French is tough, like Japanese. Japanese has wacky wacky grammar. I need to go memorise those Katakana characters before I go.

I am so looking forward to seeing Kyoto!
I guess I will need to start looking for tour packages for the next trip soon. Next trip's going to be in February, during Chinese New Year. I am hoping there are still vacancies since it is a hot time to travel. This will be my first time travelling during CNY. I like being at home during that time of the year. Isn't it about being with the family and loved ones? I suppose in Singapore, it isn't much of the issue, especially in my family, since everybody is home and not overseas, and we do see each other very often, there isn't much fuss. But I do do do miss having the reunion dinner with them! As long as I see them often, I am happy.

I was just at my friend's place for Hari Raya last Saturday and he broke such a happy piece of news! That was the happiest thing that I heard from him so far! I am thrilled and so so excited for him! Perhaps happily-sad. Since it may also mark the end of a decade old tradition. But we can always carry out the tradition somewhere else!

In 2 months, it will be Christmas! I missed Christmas at home last year, since I was in China, high up on a mountain, stuck with a chinese Santa Claus. So this year, we will have dinner at home. Maybe I should plan a dinner at home for everyone, thought mum will have to roast the turkey... I can buy the bird though!
The last leg of the year are always abuzz with dinners and holidays and parties and what nots.There are especially a lot more weddings too! Why do people like getting married end of the year? I got married in December too. But it was more of a timing thing than anything. We got married on the day we met, and that was some kind of coincidence. So far, I have 3 weddings to attend. Not a lot, some of my friends have more invites! Ouch for the wallet!

First Year

It has been a year since I moved in on my own. No maid to clean after me, no mother to brew me coffee. I guess despite that, I think I am doing pretty fine.

It is as though it wasn't long ago that I just did my renovation. Somehow, the place still seems pretty new to me. Maybe it is because there are still empty shelves in the kitchen, and shelves that are taken up, they are not choked full of stuff yet. The shelves in the study though, that is a different story. They are all full! That is one reason why I am not buying as many books as before and that has prevented me from renewing my kinokuniya member card. I wanted full length custom made book shelves but decided against it, since we might use it for someone else in the future.

The place still feels a little sparse, with not a lot of stuff lying around. These things take time you know, filling up a place TAKES TIME and patience. I want to buy things that reflects a little of us (so so so cliche!) or at least things that we really really love. Usually things that we really really love, cost an obscene amount of mola, so have to save up and buy, or just fantasize!
I am happy with how most things went. I might have changed a thing or two, like being fussy with the soddy, poor excuse of a window job, the curtains - I would very much want black iron wrought railings. The towel racks were a disaster.

I am still pushing and pulling my furniture about trying to get them looking prefect. I am glad that I didn't have much things fixed permanently since I can be so fickle! Apart from the kitchen cabinets and the bedroom wardrobe, nothing much is unmovable.

So after a year, I am still thinking about how to make things look better, I am still trying to keep the place as spanking clean as my mum's (an almost impossible task, since she mops the freaking executive flat TWICE a day! Executive leh, how the hell she do it? And what the heck for? Once a day not enough meh?). This is like my never ending task for me to organise and reorganise stuff. As strange as it sounds, I love to organise! Basically, I love working with my hands, crafts to fix- its to cleaning to DIYs.

My flat is one big project.

Bakes

I can't remember the last time I really bake something sweet. I mean, I bake quite a bit, using the oven more for dinners than sweets. The last time was just last week, baking a little pumpkin. Love roasted pumpkins! They are packed with super duper stuff like antioxidants and vitamin A. Such an awfullly wholesome thing it is. Makes me feel like it is fall, jumping into glorious amber coloured piles of leaves. Yeah, I know, there is only 2 seasons in Singapore, nonetheless let me just pretend and indulge in my overactive imagination ok?

Anyway, as I was just saying, I can't remember the last time I baked something sweet. So this evening, was in the mood. Nice cool and windy, the husband is out meeting his cuz, so the place is nice and quiet, just perfect for baking.

I like baking at night. When all is still and quiet. There is something really comforting in that. Well, it wasn't all that still and quiet since I started at 8pm. At least I was alone. I have a habit of baking alone when my husband's out with friends. It is my downtime. I enjoyed the baking session thoroughly, I almost forgot how nice it is to be baking alone. Must do it again soon!

Donuts

I never really indulge in the nation's favourite past time - queuing. Ok, second favourite past time next to shopping. Ok ok, third favourite past time next to shopping and makaning.
Donut factory has all those things. It is located in a SHOPPING MALL. It has ridiculously LONG QUEUES. Donuts are FOOD.

How more Singaporean can you get? By offering sambal donuts is it?

Anyway, I love donuts. My family adores donuts. And as much as I adore my family, I can't bring myself to queue for them. The queues centipedes its way all the way to Gloria Jean's, which is a good 15 meters at least. It is ludicrous!

But admittedly, I have always been curious about those donuts. One fine saturday afternoon, my sister and my brother decided to go down to and get them bloody donuts.
I tell you, they are great! Especially the glazed ones! I still have some of those at home. Thank you guys!

Putting the Char in Char Siew

Charred that is. Eventually I did out my char (fork) to the siew too.
I attempted making char siew on my own since I had a char siew attack last week, but I hate those orangey looking ones.

I was a little nervous that it might not come out so well, but it did! Well, it wasn't fantastic (but fenntastic loh! hurhur!), but I loved it. It did looked a little too charred, hahahaha, I think I over-glazed it with too much honey. It definately tasted better than it looked. But I like the charred bits best.

Spring Cleaning

You know how some friends just take you for granted? How some just don't put in that little bit of effort to upkeep relationships? You know, these so called friends? Those that ask you out only when there are no other people more interesting and available. Those that make you few like some kind of gap filler.

I think I have wasted enough time and have been pretty patient with them. I had given more than enough chances and benefit of the doubt. I decided that I should put in my energy on people who are genuine. Most of us will have so called friends like that. Those that are interested in you because you are fresh and a little bit of a novelty to these people, like entertainment. You got a sell-by date. So, I am saying adios to these people. I hate having to feel like some kind of
When I think about some friends, it brings a certain warmth to your heart. You will be smiling inside and out. They make you feel all nice and soft and great. I love my friends! I have a close set of friends whom I can talk about anything and nothing at all, whom I know I can run to to whine and complain or just plain gossip. I love them to bits, and I would be so sad if they are not around me anymore. Makes me think about Seinfeld, just less offbeat and kooky. You know that you are important to them without them having to tell you that. They make you feel that. Sometimes, they do the simplest things and that would touched you in the deepest way possible. These friends are hard to come by, and honestly, you don't need that many of these gems in your life.

With that done, I can focus on the things and people that matter most!
Phew!

Comfort Food

My brother highly recommended the triple chocolate cereal, so i bought it. Eat it with chocolate milk, very POWER. At the risk of having nose bleeds, I will just stick to normal low fat milk. I can eat cereals any day of the time. Supper, in front of the TV, afternoon reading the papers. It is one of those comfort food. We are such creature of comforts...

Apple and cinnamon go really well don't you think? I can't think of a better match for apples than cinnamon. It is one of those classic food pairings. Like thyme and chicken or basil and tomatoes. The smell always puts a smile on my face. I love having some really hot apple crumble with vanilla ice cream on a rainy day! One of life's pleasures! I remember Ken and I would always go down to the Black Jack Cafe (when it was still below Hard Rock Cafe and when they were still carrying Kate Spade) for just that after school. Brings back good memories for me.

I love a huge greasy juicy burgers when I am really hungry. I like the satiated feeling I get after I am done wolfing down the burger. Another comfort food of mine.
I love bak changs too, I don't eat it often, usually just on dun wu jie, but I love it no less.
I love love love that chicken rice stall in Ubi Ave! I used to eat it ever so often when I was living there. I still make my way there, braving the horrid Eunos traffic just to have that. It was such a family affair.

The ultimate comfort for me has got to be my mum's chicken curry, very healthy, she uses part coconut milk, part low fat milk, some curry purists will scoff at this, but I ADORE IT! It must be accompanied with her fried bee hoon. Shioka-doo-da-doos! Most times now, she only cooks either items, so when there is curry and no bee hoon, I love eating mee sua drenched in a pool of curry. Heavenly, although bizarre sounding, it is really yummy!

Speaking in Tongues

I signed up for a Japanese language course. A short one, if I am really into it, I might take up the higher elementary class. I think I might be turning into a japophile. An anglicised one. An anglicised japophile or a japadised(so lame) anglophile?
Lessons start next month!

Give Thanks

Often, in our uber busy lives, we forget about the people around us who love us. Often, we are too caught up with everyday life or get into some sort of comfortable routine that doesn't seem to include people who should be included more.

Relationships, all kinds, take effort. Don't expect anything to blossom or even stay the same if no efforts have been put into them. Relationships are like plants, gotta give some attention or they will wilt and die. I know, sounds a little corny, I got this quote from an ultra perspective friend of mine a decade ago! How I love this friend!

I should make it a point to visit my grandma more, call my aunt up to chat or even lunch. hahaha. My dearest friends, I need to get them out more. I can be such a lazy person, sometimes I just like staying at home.

The Rescuing Hug

Both twins were in separate incubators, with one twin fighting for her life. The nurses tried everything to make the weaker one feel better. Nothing seemed to work. Against the rules of the hospital, a nurse placed the babies together. The healthier twin placed an arm over her sister, in an embrace of sorts. She got better! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww........

Heart warming stuff eh?

Have you hugged someone today?

Growing Pains

I am lucky.

Singaporeans of my generation had it good. We do not have to worry about world wars nor do we have to struggle as hard as our grandparents or parents. We do not have to work as young as 12 in some hot and humid, overcrowded sweat shops. Our lives have been, in all honesty, very comfortable. We had Mcdonald's (oh, that is some kind of necessary evil right?) TV, radio, Cds, cassettes, walkmans, disc-mans, and nintendo. We could go out and play with our neighbours, school wasn't that tough, life was pretty relaxed and uncomplicated.

Look at what the kids have to deal with now. Tutorials after tutorials. Extra lessons, enrichment lessons, holiday camps, musical classes, ballet. swimming, TKD, phonics ( I gotta admit, learning phonics is GOOD ) and the list goes on. It is damn hard being a kid these days. I learnt from my mum that there is this child who attends 2 sessions of preschool a day! WAH LAU! SIAO!
It has gotten so competitive now for kids, or at least for their parents. Sigh, sometimes, these parents live their dreams through their children. So unhealthy, I hope I do not turn into one of these monster parents next time.

There are people my age who say that children these days take their comfortable lives for granted. They have hand phones when they are just 8 or internet 24 hours a day, the latest game consoles and maids to clean up their mess. Well, you know what? Times have changed, these are the stuff that have become a big part of our everyday lives, just because we do not have such things in the past does not mean that children now can't. Does that too, mean that since our parents had to start earning their pocket money at the age of 12, that we had to too? Or that they had no tv as children, we shouldn't too?

Ridiculous. I would give my child a hand phone when he is 8 if I think it will make my life and his life easier. I don't see why some people kick up such a fuss over it. It is just a phone, you have one too! Why, you 30 year old can have one, a 10 year old cannot meh? Please lah, stop thinking that you are the more deserving one can? I mean, of course you gotta restrict their use too, but I don't see why I have to bar it totally. Just because kids now may appear to have a more comfortable lives now doesn't mean that they take it for granted. How many kids do you know to pass that judgement? And how do you know that they lead cushy lives?
Isn't that what your parents used to tell you too? "You have it so good you do not even know it."????

I believe that every generation has its own struggles, stop comparing and whining. At least, school wasn't that stressful. Ice cream can be bought with a 20 cents coin. Unlimited use of the bus pass! Spare time to go out and play. I had a good childhood. My mum overindulged us, still do even now. Hahahahaha.

Land of the Rising Sun

I am going to Japan!

I must curb my enthusiasm and try to stay calm because the trip is a little less than 5 months away. Went to the travel agent checked out the rates, went for a coffee and a cheese sandwich, thought a little about it, then went right back to the TA and bought me tickets. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Easy breezy.. can things get any simpler? I do not have a lot of time there though, so I got to get it all well planned.

Think about all the food I want to eat, all the nonsense that I will buy, and oh dear, Geisha spotting! Tsukiji Market! And then there is the Tokyo Motor Show. That is what is pulling the Hubby over. That is what is getting him excited. That is how I get a Japan holiday! I think next year, I will entice him with the Frankfurt Motor Show.

I think I will try to get some online Japanese lessons from Elaine. Then I will see if it is a good thing to buy the JR rail pass in Singapore....... then settle the accommodations. and sniff out the great eating places and watering holes.. I want to buy fabrics. JAPANESE FABRICS!!!!!!!!!!...... visit kinokuniya, and tokyu hands.. and the huge food floors in the departmental stores! Cosmetics! I want to buy that certain brand from kyoto!!!!!!!!!!!
See like that how to not get excited?

Accentuate the positivity, eliminate (not all) the negativity

You know how we all get down once in a while? When you feel that nothing is going your way, and you are the poorest thing on earth?

Most of us have off days when we feel totally worthless and that the entire human race is against us. We end up feeling sorry for ourselves. Sometimes, this can go on for the longest time for some people.

It is time that you stop thinking that you have been dealt with the worst lot in life. Just because you got dumped or cheated on doesn't mean that life is over. Or that you have fat ankles. Or that you are missing a honours degree (or any degree for that matter)

When bad things happen to people, they tend to have a bigger impact that that of good things on our lives. We are a pessimistic bunch, remembering the bad and usually not the good. It is so easy to victimise ourselves and villain-ises everyone else when things go not too fantastic for us.

We forget the ones who love us when we realised one who doesn't. We forget how friends make us laugh all the time during fights. We forget the things our mums have done for us every time they nag, we forget how good the prata is at a particular store when we have a horrid one. We forget how tolerant our partners are when they had a bad day and get a little impatient with us. We forget all the things that we already have when we see a Chanel 2.55 in the window. (ok, not that good an example... but you get my drift)

When I have a bad day, I will think about the good things in my life. It usually makes me feel better. Doesn't have to be anything too significant, the little little things in life we take for granted we often overlooked. The longer the list, the happier you become, suddenly, the world doesn't seem so unappealing after all!

I love how my feet look.

I love my broad shoulders.

I love my legs.

I have a lovely family who loves me.

How I can talk a lot of cock with my family.

I have friends that I can really really count on.

I have friends who count me as their closest.

I love being tall.

I can wear my hair short and get away with it.

I have a husband who loves me to bits.

I have a place to call my own.

I am healthy and able.

My happy dance.

Ice cold ribena

Buying fabric and attempting to sew.

Buying paper other materials and attempting to scrapbook.

Great conversations with friends.

A successful baking session

My books!

The fact that I do not have to worry so much when I go out late at night.

My mum still makes coffee for me when I go over

Going on food hunts

Receiving snail mail from friends.

Watching a heck of a movie.
Laughing.

Receiving calls from mum.

Text messages from siblings.

Dinner with friends.

Listening to music alone at home.

Going on a dinner and movie date.

Going for walks.

Sleeping in on Sundays.

Marmite

I used to eat Marmite with porridge A LOT when I was young(er). Actually I eat more Borvril than Marmite. I love both, it is sad to know that there isn't any beef in Borvril anymore. Tis all the English men's fault. See lah, feed dunno what rubbish to your cows, all go mad!

I would stir a huge huge spoonful of that yummy stuff into my porridge and eat up. Simple, fuss free and comforting. I brought Marmite just to eat it with porridge. I used to stir it into hot water as a nice alternative to Milo, or spread it on bread. I know most people don't do that, so they will think that it is pretty gross. It tastes better than it sounds. Really. Have a go at it.
Don't ever buy Vegemite - unless you are Australian - that thing sucks. It shouldn't even be allowed on the shelves of supermarkets. I brought some while in Australia and boy, what a gastronomic mistake. I guess it is more an Aussie version of Marmite. I was at this Museum in Sydney and there was a little write up on Vegemite. The sales gotten so bad, they wanted to change the name to Pawill, with the slogan that goes " If Marmite, Pawill!" You say cock or not? It is even beyond corny.

Anyone going to UK or not? Buy this for me when you come back can?

Aches and Pains

Fenn decides to go to the polyclinic one day to get her chronic aches checked.

First and foremost - Queue at the front reception to get a queue number

Secondly - Queue to get yourself registered

Next - Queue for see the doctor.

And - Queue to get blood test done.

Almost done - Queue to get your prescription processed

Almost there - Queue to get meds

And.. - Queue for payment

Finally - Queue to get the next appointment.

Our polyclinics are really indulgent when it comes to the nation's favourite past time.

Reader's Block

Recently, I developed Reader's Block. It has been a frustrating few months. I would normally just pick up the book that I want to read and dive right in, no problems. Well, maybe struggling to get through the first bits sometimes when it is a little boring and when the build up is slow, but generally, it is always a stroll in the park. I could not seem to get completely into a book now. I find it so hard to concentrate, reading a chapter and not knowing what I really read. It seems that the more I try to concentrate, the harder reading seemed.
It is fucking pissing me off seriously.

I did the sensible thing, and leave the reading for a while. I thought I have lost the joy of reading. Then, a few days ago, I picked up The Remains of the Day went through the first few pages, then the chapter, and I knew I had it in me again!

Fennilina has gotten her groove back!

Motherhood

No, I am not preggers. I have been thinking about it lately. No neither am I trying to conceive too. The topic of motherhood and kids just seems to rear its head often these days when I am out with friends.

I am basically a pretty paranoid person, not only that, I doubt myself too much. I wonder if I will ever be a good mother. It scares me, the thought. The many things that I have to be mindful of, the many good qualities that I want to instill in my children. What to do when they fall sick? Kid-proofing the home. Discipline methods. Making sure that their meals are balanced. I have to be mindful about my own behaviour too. Will I be able to do all that?

I know I can do without the many late nights coffee sessions with friends. Lengthy dinners and movies dates. Socially, I am prepared to give up most of it. That does not mean to say that I will deprive myself any social time at all. Being the best for your child means you have to take care of yourself too right? I guess the toughest part would be dealing with the baby.

Most people say motherhood comes naturally, you will not be able to prepare enough for it. I think I will start a "Parents Today" subscription and buy all those parenting books. Will not be sufficient? Of course not lah! Parenting is not all textbooks. If so, babes will come with instruction manuals. That is what is scary. The things that you can't read up on, the things that will come unexpectedly and those things are not written anywhere in that parenting book that you bought. I am worried that I will get into post natal depression. My husband worry about that too, since I over worry and over analyse stuff. Being a person who does not have enough self belief can add to that too. NO matter how much reading I do, how much can I remember anyway? And when your baby's acting up or throwing some HUGE tantram, all those methods that I said and reminded myself that I would apply would somehow fly out of the window.

My mum seems to raise all 5 of us on her own with not much complaints or help from others. I am in awe seriously. I just hope that I can cope just as well, if not better, with my 2 (or3?) kids next time.

Obsession

I have an obsession with lists. I have lists for everything. When I was young(er) I had lists for the books I want to buy, list of toys I want to get, friends' telephone numbers, addresses, birthdays, heck, I even have TOP TEN lists. Like top 10 fave songs, top ten fave poems, top ten fave persons... HAHAHAHAHHA
Now that I am all grown up, I have different kinds of lists. I have lists of things to do, things to buy, things I really want, lists of shoes, lists of IT bags, list of things that make me happy, list of things that i am grateful for. List of books to read, home projects to do, things to cook for dinner, grocery lists.. you get the drift.
i think I know where that stems from. I like to get my stuff organised, not that I am very successful at that anyway.... But anyhow, the need to get things organised gets me into making a lot of lists. So here is a list of lists that I currently have now

1. list of things to do
   
2. list of things to buy for the upcoming Cambodia trip
   
3. list of things to pack for the upcoming Cambodia trip
   
4. list of yummy eats in Siem Reap
   
5. list of food to get for husband before upcoming Cambodia trip
   
6. list of songs
   
7. list of recipes
   
8. list of little things that makes me happy
   
9. list of food stalls I should visit.
   
10. list of art pieces that i really love
    
11. list of things to do around the house.
    
12. lists of great B&B in NZ
    
13. lists of books to read
    
14. lists of guilty pleasures
    
15. list of good things
    
16. So how can my life be organised when it is peppered with so many lists you tell me? So complicated... I think I should have a list of things to simplify my life soon......
    

Pet Peeve

I have plenty of those because I am so anal. One that always gets my goat is when people try to act all smart in front of me, and then, try to make me look and feel stupid. Or when I raised some topic, and get it brushed aside with a "not interested" plainly because these twats do not know anything about the topic and are too proud to admit it (even when they are pretty interested in what I have to say.)

By the way, how did "getting my goat" came to mean getting agitated?

I don't mind if you go all smug and cocky and try to be smart about things, but please, when I ask you stuff, it does not mean that I do not know a single thing about it and please don't treat me like some kind of dodo! Keep your egos in check, please. You will only be embarrassing yourself really.

What got me writing this entry? Why, I encountered someone who exactly did that to me recently. I got so pissed, I got really sarcastic and went on blasting him without him realising that, and he soon became a form of entertainment to me. It is sad that this is the way that he is treating friends.

Of course, I am a fairly reasonable person. She will not just do that to anyone just like that. And of course, I am not stupid too (although he likes to think that she is), she knows when someone is joking and when someone is not. This has been going on forever and so far I have been really polite, trying as much as I can to be interested (or at least look the part) in his really boring life, steering him to other topics other than his own (I always get brushed aside when that happens), remain calm (amazingly) when he goes on and on and acting like he is smarter than I am.

It is no wonder that he is losing friends faster than he can talk about his mundane life.
I am wicked.

I feel the Earth move

literally, under my feet. ( Really, is there another way of feeling the earth move)

By now, everyone knows about the 6.3 magnitude earthquake in Indonesia that stuck close to the city of Padang this morning. The last I heard, about 70 have lost their lives. There is so much talk about this one, not for the number on the scale, but because this time, apparently plenty of us felt it.

I felt it once, i remember it was close to noon, and I was on my bad, and suddenly the bed started to shake. I thought I was having a really bad bout of giddiness. But the keys to my drawers were swinging quite obviously. That was when i knew there was a quake somewhere. That was when I felt a a significant amount of sadness. Knowing that people are dying at that very moment (of no fault of theirs.) makes me sad.

It is the circle of life. I know that, I ain't running away from death. I mean, yes, death is something that I still find hard to cope with. I hate to face it, but that doesn't mean that I will go running away when it happens.
You just can't control feelings can you? I felt really down for awhile. Sometimes, when there is so much tragedy and misery around, the best one can do is be the best person they can to everyone else. I know it sounds like a cliche, and yes very naive sounding, but why contribute to all that? Why can't we be better people for others? It takes very little effort everyday. Remember your THANK YOUS and HELLOS. Most times, we forget about the people we meet everyday. The bus drivers, the stall helpers at the food court, the pantry aunties, the person cleans your neighbourhood, colleagues.

Just a few kind words, nothing too much. You never know how many people you can touch.
Yeah, I am such an idealist.

Paris Je T'aime

What is it about Paris that makes so many people fall in love with the city??

Is it the smells from the cafes? Or the couples kissing all over the city? Could it even be the the language? It sounds great to me. Even saying "Paris je t'aime" sounds romantic. (Hokkien can never sound like that. Imagine saying Wa ai ba li). I know I know, I am sounding like the superficial bitch that I am... By the way, I speak pretty decent Hokkien! I can swear better than I speak it unfortunately....

They have great looking people, great food but is not junk and great museums oh, and great flea markets! I love Paris. Something that I can't exactly pinpoint. Could it even be the huge Hermes and Chanel boutiques? Or that Christian Lacroix and Christian Louboutin are both French? All of the things in Paris just set you in the mood for some romance. It can be the loneliest place in the world if you visit it alone.

I caught Paris Je T'aime a few days ago. It is a compilation of 18 (or is it 17?) mini stories about love in Paris. Some are just weird, some are sad, some are heart warming and some makes you shed a tear or two. I am a sucker for movies like that. I like going on a emo-coaster ride. I particular like the one with the babysitter. That was so sad. The actress didn't say much in the short film, she sang a lullaby for her baby at the infant care before leaving her baby, and sang again to the baby whom she was babysitting. Same lullaby but with a great difference. It was powerfully simple and it broke my heart.

Paris needs to be shared with a loved one. And the next time I go, I make sure I go with mine. And I make sure I don't step on any doggie poo.

Trigger Happy

I have a new camera.

Not just another camera. I have a new DSLR! Yayayayayayayayayaya! As you can see, I am over the moon ecstatic kind of happy.

My husband has bought me a Canon EOS 350D. I have been itching to buy a DSLR for some months now, but feeling a little apprehensive about it. I was afraid that I would get bought with the camera. I actually set my eyes on the Nikon D40 since I know Canons are known to cost dearly. It is the most wonderful surprise nonetheless. He gives wonderful surprises. They are pretty hard to come by, but when they do come, they just completely blow me away! Every single time!

Books are expensive, so is cross stitching and scrap booking.(let's be honest here shall we? they are really grandmama kinda hobbies....... not that there is anything wrong with it) Now that I have a camera, I can foresee myself buying more lens and then filters, and more stuff! Oh no! And perhaps I may sneak in a photography magazine subscription too.....Wah laumaybe even photography lessons! Shite.
Now if I can just get to know how to use that camera.....

Marital Life

I have been married now for a month. People have been asking me how is married life. Seriously, I do not have an answer for that.

Do people ask for the sake of asking? Really, how different does a a month of marriage make? What do people expect me to say? No freedom? Can't go out with friends? I feel more domesticated? WHAT???? Stop asking me that! I hate it!

Life (strangely) remains the same. I don't feel any more different than I was before I was married or even before moving in on my own (except the house chores which is a killer). So when I say that it is the same, most replies sound like this "That is good for you!" What is the world does that mean? Do people have this secret secret wish that they hope that your life is not going to be as fantastic as their single ones? Do they expect you to complain about it and how you miss being unmarried???? And that will make them feel better about themselves??? I do not mean all singles, I do know some really bitter ones out there. I am in no way dissing those singletons or do I feel that I am better off because I am married.

Or am I missing the point? Maybe I am really suppose to feel some changes and I am not, and shite, my marriage is not normal because I do not feel any difference! Gosh, give me a break... ask me that in a year's time, maybe. just maybe I will have an answer.