Changes

I do not cope very well to changes. Perhaps that has something to do with my obsession with perfection. You see, I am a perfectionist. I hate being one and it is one of my biggest personal flaw. Such irony, perfection being a flaw...

Last week has hell. Nothing seems to go right. There was a sudden want (not from me) to change the venue of the wedding dinner. Gosh, not now! Not when the dinner is just a month away! That piece of news was a tad bit too much to digest. I had wanted to cry, but I can't, my stomach started to churn and I started feeling a little dizzy and I wanted to hurl but nothing came out. It was one of the worse sensations ever. I was cracking up and no amount of alcohol will do to ease the pain, not that I tried drinking away the pain in the first place.
I was mainly pissed with the way that it was being handled. There was no discussion, no form of respect was shown to me or my family or as a matter of fact, to my husband to be. Just a phone called to yell about the displeasure one may have and followed by another after a few hours to say that another place was booked. Where was I in this whole picture????? NO WHERE. And I thought I was the one getting married. I guess I will be not so angry if there was a proper talk for everyone to voice their concerns. Not by yelling, coming up with the most stupid excuses and shifting the blame on us. I hate it when people bully their way into getting what they want or by playing the emotional hurting/manipulative card.

I kept thinking about all the hand made cards that took much time, thought and love. All the people that I have informed about the dinner, the invites that I have given out personally, friends who have taken the trouble and took leave on me wedding day. The stationery that I chose to suit the venue. The amount of thought that I put in trying to come up with a perfect centrepiece. The anticipation, my evening gown that I particularly chose to wear at the venue. The disappointment on the faces of my siblings. It was so so hard when my family showed so much understanding. It broke my heart..I felt so bad about the whole situation.

Throwing away the remaining invites that I have yet to give out was awful. I do not thing I have anymore strength to start all over again planning for another dinner.

And that is what I am going to do. With just a month left, I have to come up with another party, just great don't you think?