Responsibilities

Most of us forget about how much work is needed in relationships. Be it to your partners, spouses, parents, siblings, grandparents and friends

It is never about the amount of money you give to parents, or the things you buy for the people around you. It isn't about just going out with friends and have a good time.

The most important thing we can ever give to our loved ones is our health. What is the one thing that people want for their loves ones? Most often, it is for them to be in the pink of health and be happy. It pains me to see my loved ones in pain or if they are abusing their bodies by not taking good care of them.

The reason why I climb down Angkor Wat holding the rails on the side is because of my loved ones. I do not want anything to happen to me and then they have to worry. Especially when I am so far away. I do not need to prove anything or feel that I have achieve something that I can be proud of just by doing that. I didn't feel that I miss out on anything, even when my friends decide to come down without the help of the rails and feel a great sense of accomplishment, and I was the only one using them. I felt happier that I didn't, and that I did it for my loved ones back home.

When I was in my younger crazier days when I would party every weekend, there is always someone offering some kind of drugs, but I resisted. I was never tempted because I was never into that kind of stuff. It didn't matter to me that there were other people laughing at me, I knew where I stood and it felt good. A lot of those times, I thought of my family and how I couldn't let them down. Even far away when I backpacked Europe, I stayed far away from those stuff. The heartache is just not worth it. I know enough how those things can damage more than your health.

It is my responsibility as a wife, as a daughter, as a elder sister and as a dear friend, that I will take good care of myself. I have never always been as happy as I am presently. The Husband has got a lot to do with it. He is the one who has inspired me to be a better me, and for that I am very thankful (although I am still lacking in self belief lah) The past few years, I have grown a lot closer to my mother. When I was still living together, I would tell her what time I was coming back, I would call her to tell her if I wasn't coming home. I didn't stay out as late as I did before and I answer her calls. Something that I never always did. Yes, thinking back, I am so ashamed of myself, making her worry for nothing. SIGH. Having this responsibility has made me a happier too. I don't think I know how to explain it, but after after a while, it just have such a positive effect on me.

I hate for them, especially my parents to worry about me. It is time that they stop worrying and let me be the one doing all the worrying instead. I wonder what I have done is enough. I wonder if my loved ones still worry about me. One of my wishes is that nobody ever needs to worry about me and that they know that I am sensible enough to do the right thing all the time. Of course the most perfect scenario is that I do not need to worry at all for anyone!

These days, I choose to eat healthier, choosing whole grain over white bread. Using healthier oil, cooking healthier and including more fruits and greens. As much as I don't really exercise, and recently, I can't do much vigorous stuff so I try to walk as much as I can. Of course I still eat a lot of crap and junk. Hey, everything in moderation, even moderation itself!

As much as I fear losing loved ones, I want to be the one to outlive most of them. I want to be by their side when they go, telling them that it is alright, that if they need to go, they just have to go. Death, is still a hard pill to shallow. I still miss my dog, and every time when I want to get a new pet, a part of me says no. I can't cope if it dies on me again. It is just too sad.