I have got the Blues

I have been feeling somewhat blue of late. It started with the week of constant rain, when the sky was a perpetual pewter grey, and the nights chilly. Could it be a case of SAD? Could it be my hormones? (Women blame tonnes of problems on their hormones.) I can't really point my finger at anything in particular. Maybe it was the the NYC trip that fell through. Damn the stupid Chan Brother's agent making the dumb mistake! Perhaps, it is an accumulation of happenings.

I do get the blues once in a while, the last time was quite a while back, thank goodness it has become so irregular now, with the "attacks" happening less and less frequently. It was really bad 2 weeks ago. I get teary all of the sudden and I have this compulsion to call a loved one just to hear his or her voice, hoping that it would comfort me a little. I held back, not wanting them to hear the crack in my voice and getting all worried about me. I went out with friends, hoping that it would perk me up, didn't help much. I tried going out and do a spot of retail therapy, nothing interest me enough for me to get anything. I wanted to write about it when it happened, but that would have come out sounding like I was in dire straits. I knew that it was a matter of time that I will feel better and I did eventually. It used to last for months sometimes, weeks if I was lucky, or just a couple of days. It doesn't bother me much now thankfully.

I have so much that I want to write about, it is time to do some catch up. I have been reading back on past entries, and gosh! My writing has not been improving as much as I hoped. I used to write better when I was in school. I guess practice makes perfect. I should read more and write more. I am reading What a Carve Up! again to help me laugh more. That book is hilarious! Perfect for driving the blues away!

I want to Ride my Bicycle

As the fares of public transportation keep going up, the thought of cycling around the city seems to get more appealing each time.

The number of bicycles on the roads are increasing, with foreign workers making up quite a significant number. Cycling seems to be getting really popular as a sport. Heck, even my mum cycles now. It is convenient, cheap, environmentally friendly and healthy! Okay, maybe not so convenient, as Singapore isn't exactly bike friendly. We do not have enough places to park our bikes, the roads are too busy and thus making them dangerous to cyclists. I feel that it is not entirely about road awareness on the cyclist's part. Cars are getting bigger, there are more cars on the roads on than ever, certainly, those factors do not make the roads safe enough for peddlers.

Perhaps it is really time to consider specially designated lanes for bicycles. A lot of cities around the world have those, shouldn't we start too? Singapore may be small, and some argue that there isn't enough space for a bike lane. If busy cities are doing it (some successfully), are trying to do it, why not us? It is time, we shouldn't wait for more deaths on the roads to motivate us into seriously considering this as an option.



Cycling on pavements is not allowed in Singapore, even though loads of

people are doing it. As a pedestrian, I have never complained when are there cyclists on the pavement. It beats having them on the roads. Our pavements are not exactly wide in most areas, most times we would give way. I don't see why that can't work. But to encourage more folks to take to biking, more has to be done. I know vaguely, that there is some project going on in Pasir Ris where they have cyclists cycling on the pavement together with the pedestrians. I hope that will turn out well.

We need bike lanes or the very least, wider pavements, more bicycle parking facilities, and of course, a safer place to bike in. Hopefully, trains would finally allow all bicycles and not just the fold-able ones on trains too. Our transport system should be as integrated as it could be to make travelling less of a hassle.

I know I would pick up cycling again when that happens.

What makes a Party?

I was at Elaine's this evening for dinner. It was her birthday. She decided to spend it at home with a couple of friends and her parents. Nothing too fancy, no fanciful menu that would need a lot of time preparing, no need to set the table, no need to dress up. We bought some pizza, a couple of bottles of beer and umeshu. She bought some satay, roast duck, shio bak and char siew and barbecued chicken wings. We had a really really retro looking cake too! Everything was really casual, and the food was great. I mean, good food is the whole point of going to a dinner party right? That and of course good company too!

We sat down and ate, talked, ate some more and talked some more. We did have a lot of watermelon after the cake too. Plenty of tea in between, with the odd beer and umeshu. Generally that was all we did. Eat and chatted. Mon did go back earlier, but by then, it was already past midnight! We left at 1am. Time flies when we have fun.

I like parties like these. Small, casual and intimate with good food and good lengthy conversations. All at the dining table.

De Clutter

I never had enough room for everything when I was still living with my family. The amount of stuff that I used to fit into that room of mine is amazing. The Husband was astonished when he saw all the boxes packed with stuff all came from one room.

I admit. I keep plenty of stuff. I keep some for sentimental reasons, some I keep because I always think that I would have a use for them one day. Just one day I will find them useful. Some things are just too cute too give or throw away. I used to clear my stuff once in a while especially when I feel moody. It is like a detox for the soul. I always feel lighter, with some kind of burden being lifted off me. I don't really keep rubbish, most are really erm, useful stuff. Really, how much of those useful stuff do I really need?

I think insecurity makes a person want to have a lot of things around them. It makes them feel safe, adequate. I realised that I have always been like that. When in school, I had all the stationery in my pencil case. Pens of a few colours, pencil, eraser, pencil lead, stapler, staples, hightlighters, correction ink. I have the works. It doesn't help that I love stationery too. Not that the all the multi-coloured pens in world will make me a better student. I sucked at being a student. Most will faint with just a glimpse at my grades. They are atrocious! I did better as an adult student though. Let's leave the story of me as a student to another day shall we? (that sounds like a James Joyce novel..)

Anyway, where was I?

It was the same case at work in pre-school. I have every damn thing with me, or at the school. Heck, I even have a laminating machine. I need to feel well prepared, if not over prepared. It was my way of compensating for my lack of 'talent'. I do overcompensate by a lot. It is such a bad bad habit.

I tried clearing some of my stuff just days ago in order to lift my mood a little. I cleared 2 big bags of stationery and books. Really, how many pencil holders does a person need? How many coloured pencil sets do I need? We left them in the void deck, hoping someone would have better use of them. By the time we got home after dinner and coffee, those bags were gone!

More often than not, we humans need less than we think we do. When we learn to decide which to let go and which are important enough to keep, we might be happier beings. Less clutter, less bad energy. Let us not be consumers being consumed by the sheer load of the stuff that we thought would bring us happiness.

Men and Handbags

Reading the article in Sunday Times 2 weeks ago left me a little amused. Singaporean ladies being all high maintenance and all. Yah, that article that got so many people talking.

Handbags are very much a part of a woman's look. A handbag is an accessory, as important as shoes. Handbags are very intimate things, they carry personal stuff. So why the hell would any woman want their boyfriends or husbands carrying their handbags?

Apart from looking like the ass-whipped men that they are, why would any sane woman not want to carry their own Chanel handbags? Isn't it part of the outfit? Most women match their bags with the outfits they choose to wear, so why get someone else to carry it? Even if a Birkin weighs a ton and if I do have one (well, eventually... ) I will still carry it myself even if my arms start to ache and will continue to ache for the next week. HELLO, it is a BIRKIN leh! A BIRKIN!!!! Really how heavy can a handbag be that you need your man to carry it for you? How much does a lipstick, a mirror, some tissue, a wallet, maybe some female hygiene products and an iPod weigh?????? Perhaps the traditionalist in me just want my man to look like a man, no weak excuse of a man, whom some passes of as a SNAG. SNAGS are so many many thousands of seasons ago people! SNAGS are more passe than metrosexuals!

I like my husband to hold doors for me, in fact I like it when other men hold doors for me. I feel happy that male chivalry is not totally dead yet. That there are still nice polite men around. But I for one never demanded someone to open the car door for me. So strange. Unless it is the doorman of some hotel when I get out of a car in a hotel lobby. Imagine, you in a car, and your date/husband/boyfriend has just parked the car, do you wait in the car while he gets out, walks over to your side and opens the door for you? In those seconds, do you just seat in the car, wait and try to look pretty? And what next, when he opens the door? Must he offer his hand to you to help you get out of the seat? If he does not will you get upset? It is not like you are heavily pregnant with quadruplets! Isn't that a little old fashion? I somehow fail to see any romance or chivalry in this one.

And then there is the classic whopaysforwhat during a date. I do, for one expect the man to pick up the bill. At least for dinner. I would offer to pay for something else later. Like movie tickets or drinks. I always feel that it makes everyone feel a little more comfortable. Besides paying for something makes you look like the generous person that you are, and not some hoity toity bitch who thinks too highly of herself. I don't expect the man to pay for everything, but I will not fight to pay for dinner because it might get some ego being bruised. Trust me on this, I have been told.He can start paying for everything as soon as he becomes your husband. That is what I am doing right now, but that is a different story for another day..... If the date insisted on splitting up the bill, that is not a good sign, and I suggest that you not go on another date with someone as stingy as this. There is no hint of any gentleman in him. DITCH HIM PRONTO.

Maybe we ladies should lighten up a little, not take ourselves too seriously and have more fun. We really ought to give those men a break. It is no wonder so many of them are heading elsewhere to get them a wife!

South Africa

I have been back from SA for about a week now. I am trying to get into my usual routine again. I love routines, what can I say? Routines keep me sane, routines are comforting as they are familiar.

Anyhow,

Cape Town is very charming and the Cape Peninsula is stunning. Gorgeous views that will take your breath away. I could sit out all day just looking into the Atlantic ocean, then I will remember how strong the sun is, and decided not to kill myself under the sun too much. I am very cautious that way, you can never underestimate the sun. I happily slather myself with sunblock, not just once, but a few times a day I must add, yet I was tanned. The winds can be so strong, it can be a little chilly even with the sun scorching down, so you don't really feel that hot. It was great. We went up Table mountain, got a little silly up the lighthouse and then to Cape of Good Hope.

I went to a vineyard too. It has a very pretty tree-lined driveway that brings you to the vineyard. Very charming, I can see why people hold their weddings here. I have a thing for tree-lined roads.

As we head inland, my tummy started getting upset. I am guessing I was down with gastric flu for a couple of days. I got sick and start having the runs. Gosh, first I seemed to be having a fever, then it subsided after a good sleep, I puked a few times, and every time I puked, I felt better.I was beginning to feel like a bulimic. I slept in on the first day in Sun City. Thank goodness I slept in and got better, or I would have missed out a lot the next day. Did some sort of flying fox from way up some hill. It was scary when I was suspended midway with the people counting down to our takeoff. We started off with a more gentle activity though, going around the golf course in a Segway. That was fun! Ended the day with an hour long of quad biking.

When in Africa, naturally people associate it with animals. I mean, before the days of trendy adopting of kids popularise by you-know-who. Saw a colony of seals on a boat cruise, penguins on Boulders' Beach. We stayed in a game lodge as well. The lodge though wasn't luxurious, was comfy and cosy. More than enough for me on a tour package. The chalets have thatched roofs, to make you feel like you are really in the "wilderness" I went on 2 safaris! Didn't see plenty, but it was exciting, and beautiful too. I caught both an African sunset and a sunrise. There were monkeys even in Sun City, and those monkeys gotten so used to humans, they aren't afraid of them. They would get into rooms and take whatever they fancy, better take care locking the balcony door. There are animals everywhere, just need to open your eyes, a deer there and some baboons there.

I got a little lost during the history part of the trip. Not that history bores me these days, I was ill on those history days. I listened to bits here and there. It is hard to concentrate when one's feeling not the best. I like the Vortrekker Monument, very imposing building with an interesting bit of history behind it. I didn't visit the Union Building, as I was sick from lunch was feeling nauseous. Heck, I didn't even go to Mandala's house, though I really want to, but my knees were not feeling entirely agreeable.

All in all the trip was great. It was relaxing some days, exciting on some. Fabulous vistas, a great history and nice people. Meals were generally good, except the yucky Chinese food. The guide's knowledgeable. South Africa has a bit of everything for everyone.

Gratitude

This is my first year giving out red packets for the new year. I decided to give my parents each a big one each. At least to me it was big. I decided on the amount and later decided to reduce it for I know that my mum would come to me and said that it was too much. After reducing it, I upped it to the original amount again.

I never gave my mum money. All my 30 years of my life, I never once did.I am not very proud with that fact. She never asked for any too. She will never asked us for money. I thought the amount was respectable, and I wanted to show them how grateful I was. Anyway, as expected, soon after I gave it to them, my mum came to me and told me that I gave too much. My dad called my mum and told her I was mad. If I just mentioned how much I gave my parents, it might sound like quite a big red packet. I still feel that the amount was just right.

This evening, I was talking to my husband about my parents, about how they meet, my mum's struggles to raise us alone. Suddenly, I thought about the red packets I gave them, and the amount felt so insignificant. I teared, not from any shame I felt, but I felt my mum's love for us. Despite the relentless teasing from us about her showing favouritism, I know she loves us all the same. I guess no amount of money will ever be enough to repay her for the love and kindness she showered on us. You can trust me that she had it tough. Sometimes I do wish she would spend some time and money on herself. I do wish she will allow us to pamper her now. The only way to really repay her is to show her the same amount of devotion, love and respect that we have gotten from her.

So many stories on the greatness of motherly love. So many because you can never overestimate it or over exaggerate it.

Love is a powerful thing ain't it?